


Don't Want Your Picture on my Cellphone

by weepingnaiad



Category: Actor RPF, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anne's awesome, Community: hc_bingo, Community: jim_and_bones, F/M, Family, Gary's an ass but a good friend, Georgia, Hollywood, Implied homophobia, Jim Kirk in cowboy boots and singing his heart out, Leonard's a self-sacrificing bastard but his heart is always in the right place, M/M, Nashville, Parting Ways, Recreational Drug Use, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-10
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-18 08:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weepingnaiad/pseuds/weepingnaiad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim's got the chance to make it in the Nashville music scene, but that would mean leaving Georgia.  And now Jocelyn's better and she wants Leonard and Joanna back.  So Leonard does the 'right thing' and kicks Jim to the curb.  Too bad Jocelyn isn't reliable, leaving Joanna even more hurt and angry.  Leonard knows he's at fault but has no idea how to find Jim and bring him back into Joanna's life or risk losing his daughter altogether.  Leonard has no idea what he's in for when Jim shows up on his doorstep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a fool to the bitter end

**Author's Note:**

> **Beta:** As ever, my brain twin, and soul sister, abigail89, wrangled my words into something readable and coherent. I will never be able to convey my gratitude, bb. But, of course, I fiddle even after posting, so any mistakes are all on me.  
>  **A/N:** Written for the jim_and_bones'[" Halloween Costume Challenge"](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/tag/challenge%3A%20halloween), which I obviously picked Jim in costume as a country singer. It is also a fill for my hurt-comfort bingo square: _parting ways._ Title is from the Killers' song [_"Here With Me"._](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glnW_l1wmZ4)  
>  **A/N 2:** When this story wouldn't come together, I acted as a beggar and took advantage of my friends, forcing them to read and tell me what the hell was wrong with it. Thanks to their invaluable advice and critique, the story actually shaped up into something that I could be proud of. So I am deeply in debt to sangueuk, hitlikehammers, and ryo_of_imratdor. Seriously, without them, you'd have half the story and it would be terribly boring and flat, to put it nicely.  
>  **Disclaimer:** These are Paramount and Roddenberry's characters used in the spirit of creative commons. I promise to return them with smiles on.

Besides the song, these pictures were my inspiration for the opening scene (they were a set of Daily pictures on the comm last year):

  
| 

*~*

Wheels are turning  
I remember when you were mine  
Now just to reach you  
Baby, I'd stand in line

But there's another world  
We're living in  
Tonight

And there's another heart  
That's fading in  
The light

Don't want your picture  
On my cell phone  
I want you here with me  
Don't want your memory  
In my head now  
I want you here with me

*~*

**Then:**

_"I’m sorry, Jim."_

_"You’re sorry?!" Jim couldn’t believe this was happening, couldn’t believe that Bones was throwing their life, their plans away._

_"You’ll thank me… when you’re a big star with nothing to hold you back."_

_Jim had to clench his fists to keep from slamming them into the wall. "I’ll thank you? For deciding on the goddamned day we’re leaving… when we’re packing up the truck that you’re not fuckin’ coming? Just what the hell will I thank you for?"_

_Bones ducked his head, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he spoke. "Joanna needs her mother…"_

_"Her mother?!" Jim laughed, but the sound was bitter, harsh to his own ears. He couldn’t catch his breath, was seeing black spots. There was no way he was hearing this. "You mean the woman that bailed on you both?"_

_"Jocelyn’s better now. And Jo needs her."_

_"For how long this time, Bones?" He tore his shirts off the rod in the closet, dumped them into his suitcase. "I can’t fuckin’ believe you! How many times have I picked up the pieces she left behind?"_

_Bones swallowed, ignoring the tears welling, his voice a broken whisper. "Too many. But I’m not asking you to. Not anymore. I’ve kept you here long enough, held you back --"_

_Jim zipped the suitcase, picking it up and tossing it by the door. "Goddammit! You’re the reason I got this break, the only reason I even tried. I was doing this for us, Bones! All of us." His voice cracked on the last word and he just stood there panting, his whole world in tatters at his feet, the few steps between them looming like an impassable chasm._

_"You’re better than bumfuck Georgia, Bones. And Joanna deserves better, too._ We _deserve better."_

_Bones dropped into a chair by the bar, the tears falling freely as he shook his head. Always was a damn fool who never could see what Jim saw in him. Had no clue that he deserved so much more than he had, certainly more than Jocelyn, and probably someone better than Jim. Jim's breath stuttered out its last hope as he asked, "Nothing I can say is gonna change your mind, is it?"_

_"It’s better this way, Jim." He swiped at his face, took a deep breath and lifted his chin to meet Jim’s eyes for the first time. That’s when Jim knew it was over. He should have expected it, should have known better. Never should have stayed all those years ago when Bones had asked. He hadn’t been good enough for his own family, it was presumptuous to think he’d deserved this one._

_"Fuck you, Leonard!" He slammed the old door hard enough to splinter, tossing his suitcase into the back of the pickup before driving away._

~~*~~

**Now:**

_'If his rich baritone singing songs of betrayal and broken hearts wasn’t enough to make women swoon, he’s a tall drink of water with blue eyes to die for. But is Nashville’s newest heartthrob taken? What lucky lady is sharing his success? Stay tuned for E’s exclusive coverage of the 44th annual Country Music Awards…'_

Jim loosened his tie and stepped away from the party, needing out of the crush of people, far from the demands, the fawning, the sheer weight of expectation. Almost overnight a whole industry had grown up around Jim Kirk, country music’s rising star, and if he wasn’t careful, he’d begin to believe his own PR.

He found a small, sheltered balcony, no chance of paparazzi snapping pictures, and slid to the ground, uncaring of the expensive suit. He hadn’t bought it; it’d been loaned to him so some designer could ride his coattails. He gazed up at the Las Vegas sky, but it was a hazy blue-black, the lights of the strip blotting out everything but a few stars. Not like home where the sky was wide and dark and you could even see the trailing smudge of the Milky Way.

Sighing, he tipped his head back, closed his eyes and didn’t pretend to be anything but tired. He should be walking on air -- top of the charts, three CMA nominations and now two wins -- but here he was, hiding from his own party, unable to take it all in right now. This was everything he’d ever wanted and yet the prize was hollow, its statue plastic, as fake as the rest of the industry, as unreal as his life for the last three years.

The door opened and Jim sighed as two snakeskin boots appeared beside him. He didn’t open his eyes, but scooted over when he was nudged at the hip.

"Hiding, Kirk?"

Gary Mitchell, Jim's asshole best friend, dropped down beside him, and Jim reluctantly opened his eyes, taking the offered beer. Jim didn’t answer, just downed half of it, his face turned up to the sky.

"What would the press say if they knew Nashville’s most eligible bachelor is out here pining?"

Jim heard the flick of a lighter and then Gary inhaled. Sweet green smoke swirled up and lingered on the air, surrounding them in a soft, gray haze. He took the joint and sucked on it. Anything to keep from talking. Gary knew him too well to allow it. Probably why he’d brought the weed.

"Annie’s waiting."

"Annie deserves better’n me."

Gary didn’t argue. The silence was comfortable as the smoke did its job, settling and easing the stiffness in Jim’s spine.

Beer and smoke gone, Jim could actually smile when he looked at Gary.

"I’ll suck your cock if that’s what you need." Gary grinned back at Jim, licking his lips, trying for seductive but missing the mark by a country mile.

"I have no fuckin’ clue where that’s been. No way I’m letting it near my dick."

Gary leaned close, whispering, "I love you, man, but you’re being a prick."

"You so hot for my cock?"

"No, you shithead. You’ve got it made and instead of enjoying it, you’re moping."

Jim tried to protest, but Gary just talked over him. "Look, he did you a favor and you know it. No label would have signed you. Guys who like cock don’t sell in the heartland. The best you could have hoped for would be writing songs for someone else to sing. So live a little."

Gary might be right, but Jim's heart missed the feel of Leonard's strong arms around him, the way he'd cling to Jim in his sleep, wrapped like an octopus around Jim, his quiet snuffles gusting warm against Jim's neck. He missed Leonard's gruff voice, his sarcasm, the tilt of his eyebrows. It'd been too long, but Jim still ached for something he'd never have again.

"I don’t care if you like cock or pussy or sheep for Christ’s sake! Just keep it on the down low."

"Only you would bring up fucking farm animals, Mitchell."

"Hey, you’re the one with a problem here. I don’t see the hardship in being with Annie." Gary looked at him, his head cocked to the side. "You guys get along great, she’s better than you deserve, even laughs at your stupid jokes…"

"It’s not real. Not fair to her."

Gary snorted. "She knows the score, Jim. And for some fuckin’ reason, she’s all over it. It’s a sweet deal. Up and coming movie star on your arm, warming your bed when you need it, no demands. What’s not to love?"

"That’s not the way it’s supposed to be."

"Goddamn." Gary was struck speechless. "You really are a hopeless romantic. It’s not just an act."

"Fuck you."

"Fine, keep writing poetry, odes, and sonnets. I don’t care." Gary shrugged. "Just make sure they’re about women when you turn them into songs. I’ve grown rather fond of the high life and don’t want to lose my meal ticket."

"You are such an ass." But Gary was right and Jim knew it. Annie was a good woman and a good friend. Didn’t make giving up hope any easier to bear.

"Yep, but I’m the best damn bassist in Nashville, and you love me. And can’t kill me. It’s in my contract."

"No, but you make it damned tempting at times."

"That’s in the contract, too. Keeps you honest."

Gary stood, dusted off his dress slacks and offered Jim a hand up. Jim took it and something in him stilled. It was time. He’d done it once; put his family and Riverside, Iowa behind him. He could do it again with Bones and Jesup, Georgia.

"Doesn’t mean I’m not going to kick your ass, Mitchell."

"You can try, farm boy."

~~*~~

Leonard stared at the papers, read them through one last time. It was over and done. Finalized. His hands shook as he tucked the crisp, white sheets into the manila envelope. It took effort and a strength of will he’d forgotten he had. He’d expected it to hurt more, to feel something besides calm resignation and a desire to start living again. He’d fought so hard, given up so much, but in the end it hadn’t been enough, hadn’t been anything to fight for after all.

The engine on his battered pickup roared to life with a puff of black smoke and the radio blaring an unfamiliar station. Before he could switch back to the NPR station, a too-familiar baritone began singing, the words hitting him in the gut. He didn’t change the station, just sat there and listened to Jim Kirk sing his heart out; his corny, heart rending lyrics hit too close to home, ripping the scabs on Leonard’s heart open in the process.

~~*~~

If Jim had thought his life was in overdrive once his CMA nominations were announced, he’d had no idea.

Between talk shows, appearances, and touring Jim was run ragged, and he thought he’d gotten used to it; figured out how to get by. But then Annie was nominated for an Oscar and their world exploded. They went from being two low-key friends with benefits to being an up-and-coming ‘power’ couple with no time to themselves let alone for each other. They were barely in the same city at the same time and their few stolen moments left Jim feeling hollow, scraped out, raw, and incomplete.

They were dogged by photographers; Jim couldn’t even go out for a cup of coffee without having his picture snapped repeatedly. His publicist loved every minute of it, insisting he stay in California when he wasn’t touring. So Jim made the circuit, trying to write while on the road and having little success. It was all too clinical, formulaic, no inspiration in generic hotel rooms or in answering the same questions over and over. He was surrounded by people, but had never felt more alone. He coped with booze and drugs, relied on Gary to keep his ass out of trouble and his picture out of the papers, but he was walking a fine line, pushing it.

They had to squeeze in dinner with Annie’s parents between her appearance on SNL and his last concert in the Northeast, the only way Jim was able to get out of post-World Series traffic was on a motorcycle, which led to the paps having a field day as they snapped numerous pictures of Jim dressed in full biker gear. The intrusion, on top of everything led Jim to flip off the photographers, fueling the bottom feeders more than ever. The tabloids screamed headlines about Jim Kirk’s new ‘bad-boy look’ and his publicist chided him for the clothes, the behavior, calling it poor judgment, and, in the end, he’d apologized. Promised that he’d be more discreet, even agreeing to appear on two more talk shows before throwing the phone across the room in disgust. 

Through it all, he'd somehow still managed to make a good impression on Annie's family; her parents welcoming, generous, and warm. Jim marveled at that, must have looked stunned because Annie just kissed him, reminded him that he was still his own man, that her parents had adored him, and that his publicist was kind of an idiot. 

The next week, Jim found himself sitting in an honest-to-goodness soda fountain in small town Missouri answering questions from the local paper. As the interview wound down, Jim wondered when this became his life. Somewhere along the way, he’d lost the man he used to be, the reason he started singing in the first place.

~~*~~

The office was completely unpacked and Leonard stood in the center of the room, pleased to have created a semblance of order amidst the chaos. He’d taken too much for granted in Wayne County, but even without all their friends and family nearby, Savannah felt right. Like home. If he’d admit it, this was something they’d both been missing, no matter how they struggled with their day to day reality -- hospital rotations for Leonard and a new middle school for Joanna.

As he passed through the den, Leonard picked up Joanna’s flip flops and stray books. He grumbled, knew he needed to be harder on her, but he didn’t have the heart. No twelve year-old deserved to lose her mama once, let alone twice.

Opening the door to her bedroom, he winced at the mess. He picked his way carefully through the chaos, ignoring the scattered stuffed animals, half unpacked boxes, unmade bed, and overflowing closet, in favor of straightening the papers and pictures on her desk -- Joanna’s own oasis of calm and order in the storm.

Smiling at the Hello Kitty notebook and half-hidden frame, he turned it over, expecting to see Jo and her friends from Jesup. Instead he found himself staring into Jim’s blue, blue eyes. Joanna had her arm around Jim and was missing two front teeth. It was an old picture that had graced his desk for the longest time. When Jim left _[when you kicked him out]_ it had disappeared and Leonard hadn’t given the picture another thought, always assuming that Jocelyn had destroyed it in her need to re-establish her position in their lives.

He snorted around the lump in his throat and dropped to the bed, photo still in his hands. Jo-Jo hadn’t looked like that -- six, and so happy -- in a long, long time. She was twelve now and was more often than not sullen and moody. He stroked a finger over her gap-toothed smile and Jim’s scruff. With a shuddery breath, he stood up. He couldn’t afford to dwell on what was or what might have been. Even if Joanna hadn’t forgiven him for the move yet, he had a daughter to raise, a career to re-build, and a life to live. And he didn’t have Jim Kirk.

With the picture tucked safely away again, he turned to leave the clutter. His foot caught on something hard sticking out and he swore loudly before reaching down. He shook his head as he picked up a large, beat up scrapbook. He’d had no idea Joanna was such a collector. The book was heavy and well-worn, its leather cover slick with use. It slipped from his fingers and dropped open, confronting Leonard with a yellowed magazine article about the success of James T. Kirk’s first solo.

Leonard blinked and stumbled to the bed, propping the book open in his lap. A picture from happier times was one thing, but this was a complete archive of Jim’s career. Thumbing through it, he swallowed heavily, all pretense of not caring about Jim flying out the window when he saw the photos of him with a seemingly endless parade of beautiful women. He was drawn in, consuming the news and photographs like a man starved.

"Daddy?"

Joanna’s voice startled him and he looked up, half guilty, half sad, no idea what to say.

"That’s mine." He was surprised by her tone -- defensive and angry -- mouth drawn down and arms crossed in front of her. She looked like her mother and it broke his heart all over again.

He nodded. "Sorry, sweet pea. I didn’t mean to pry." He patted the bed. "Can we… can we talk about this?"

"It’s mine. And I’m keeping it."

Leonard sighed. "I won’t take it from you, Jo-Jo." She was still looking at him with suspicion, probably much deserved. He patted the bed again, scooting back up against the headboard to make room for her. "I promise."

She unbent and moved through the clutter easily before settling beside him, her legs crossed Indian style, back stiff.

"I’m sorry, darlin’. I didn’t mean to…"

"Mean to what? Throw Jim away? Pretend he never existed? Sure you did."

"Jo--"

She just kept talking, nerves and guilt making her mouth run, just like her dad. At least he could take comfort that some part of him had shaped her.

"I think I get it, sometimes. Mother came back and you needed her, thought I did, too. Jim didn’t fit in anymore."

Leonard gaped, wondered when his daughter went from being that little gap-toothed tomboy to _this._

"What I don’t get is why Jim just up and left _me_?"

Leonard bit his cheek to keep from crying out. They hadn’t ever talked about Jim, about what had happened. Joanna had been nine, and he’d figured that having her mom would be enough, would make Jim’s leaving a non-issue. From her helpless, betrayed tone, he realized for the first time that he couldn’t have been more wrong.

He reached for Jo, but she tried to push him away, shaking her head even as the tears start to overflow. "I hate you! You did this! It's your fault!" she railed at him, her fist hitting his chest, fingernails digging into his forearm before she crumpled.

All he could do was hold her, let her cry, whisper apologies into her soft, blonde hair as he shushed her tear-filled hiccups. He wanted to cry with her, wanted to reveal how much he hurt, too, just how hard it had been to lose Jim. How betrayed he'd been by Jocelyn. How he'd done it all for her, for Joanna, thought he was doing the right thing forging a loveless marriage.

But he kept his silence, was strong for Jo-Jo.

"Daddy?" she asked, her voice wet, eyes red, cheeks splotchy.

"Yeah, sweet pea?" he answered, dabbing a tissue at her cheeks and nose.

"I miss Jesup and my friends," she blurted out, then immediately ducked her head against his chest.

"Oh, baby. It's okay to miss them. Even when you make new ones, you don't have to forget your friends back in Wayne County."

She shook her head, burrowing closer, her sniffles making Leonard frown, his protective streak surging high and hard.

"They don't believe me. 'bout Jim. They think I'm lying."

Her words were barely audible, muffled into his shirt, but he heard them.

"I want to go home, Daddy! Back to the cottage on Cherry Street, with Jim," she said, her voice growing faint, shy, like she was confessing a sin.

Leonard's heart broke all over again. He'd made such a horrible mistake, torn the foundation out from under both of them and all for the imagined ideal of a 'normal' family. And all they'd gotten for it was more betrayal.

Jo was a tough kid; the last three years a constant battle, and now she was twelve going on thirty, not thirteen.

Leonard wanted to take it all back and make different choices. Of course he did. Like that could ever happen. He'd forced Jim's hand, kicked him out, made him leave, and now Jim was a star. He'd made it, but had to play straight just like Leonard had known he would. And now Jo and Leonard were nothing but a forgotten part of Jim's past.

Didn’t mean he didn’t hate it. His daughter had grown up too fast, was too strong when she was still just a child. Leonard gritted his teeth, her pain far worse than his own.

~~*~~

Leonard looked at the address on the old mailbox, checked the GPS, double-checked it against the map. This was the right place. He was surprised that Jim had a place out in the middle of nowhere. Jim had always wanted to live in the city, right in the center of everything. That had been the first clue that Jesup was no more than a waypoint in Jim’s life.

But Jim had stumbled into Leonard’s life banged up and bloody from a bar fight, and the kid and Joanna got along like a house on fire and Jim had stopped wandering. Moved into their lives and hearts. They’d made plans, whispered dreams into the wide expanse of night sky when it was just the two of them. Dreams that weren’t meant for Leonard McCoy.

And this wasn’t for him, either. He had to keep reminding himself of that. He and Joanna had shared Jim’s success, watching the CMAs, then the ACMs, and the Oscars. Leonard had let Joanna stay up late for each of them and she’d marveled at each of Anne Hathaway’s dresses. Sat raptly by as Jim sang his current hit, even hummed along. And Leonard had let her, hadn’t let himself examine Jim too closely. Not in front of Joanna.

But he’d re-watched the shows after Joanna was in bed, trying desperately to convince himself that Jim looked a bit lost, a hint uncomfortable, anything that might signal that he was anything but over the moon for the willowy brunette on his arm. It hurt when Leonard acknowledged that Jim _was_ happy. He’d gotten exactly the success that Leonard had wished for him; a success that had no room for a broken country doctor and his pre-teen daughter.

Shaking off those memories, he turned into the gravel drive and followed the winding road up over a ridge when a sprawling ranch-style house came into view. Nothing gave any indication that a major star lived in the farm tucked into a small valley. A couple of old trucks were pulled up at the front and a beat-up barn was visible around the side, an old tractor sitting in the middle of a soybean crop. He grew less sure by the second that Scotty hadn’t steered him wrong. Jim Kirk was many things, but a farmer was the one thing he’d swore he’d never be when he left his childhood home in Iowa.

It took a few minutes longer, but soon enough Leonard’s rental was parked in front of the house. No one seemed to be stirring even if it was nearly noon. His stomach tightened with nerves, but he made himself get out of the car and step up to the door. He knocked and rang the bell, then waited, his eyes settling on the well-used porch swing, the battered motorcycle boots he’d given Jim sitting under it.

No one answered and Leonard knocked again, leaning on the bell a little longer.

"I said I was coming, dammit! This better be a world ending crisis!"

Leonard stepped back from the swearing man who tugged open the door. He looked vaguely familiar, but Leonard simply found himself gaping, his tongue tied from being met by a well-muscled guy in nothing but his underwear.

"What the fuck?" Yet more expletives came spewing out and Leonard’s eyebrow crawled higher.

"Who is it?"

Leonard heard Jim in the background somewhere and that loosened Leonard’s tongue. It also seemed to bring the other man to his senses. "I’m here to –" he started.

"Sorry, man. Can I help --"

They both stopped and Gary gave him a bleary-eyed grin, which made Leonard chuckle. This should be as awkward as hell, but the other guy seemed uncaring that he was nearly naked.

"If you’re selling anything, we don’t want it."

"I’m a doctor, not a salesman. Leonard McCoy." He held out his hand. "I was hoping to speak to Jim?"

"Gary, what the hell…"

Of course, just at that moment, Jim stepped up behind Gary, his bare chest pressing close against Gary. At least he had on pants.

Leonard dropped his hand and met Jim’s astonished eyes. His blue, blue eyes. And fuck, if he didn’t look gorgeous, scruffy and unkempt, but so goddamned edible that Leonard couldn’t speak. They continued to stare at each other until Gary cleared his throat.

"Well, this is awkward." He turned to Jim and nudged him back, opening the door. "You might as well come in. With Jim’s luck there are paps in the bushes and all of this is already flying across the ‘net."

When the door closed behind Leonard, Gary stuck out his hand. "Sorry ‘bout that. Takes me some time to wake up. Gary Mitchell."

Leonard took his hand and very purposefully kept his eyes up. Did not notice the bruises -- the mouth-sized bruises -- lining his torso. He tried desperately to keep his mind from following the path those bruises led. Jim had been pretty clear that he was bi, into most anyone that intrigued him, so Leonard shouldn’t be surprised. He did find himself disappointed, and hurt for Anne. Angry, too. Sadly, he had no right to be anything where Jim Kirk was concerned.

He knew he hadn’t hid his disapproval when Gary just shrugged and began walking away. "Look, I gotta have coffee. You want some?"

The question hung in the air, Jim just standing there, his arms over his chest, and his face completely closed off, unreadable. He finally unbent enough to answer Gary. "Yeah. Thanks."

"What about you, Doc?"

Gary was already in the kitchen by that time and before Leonard could answer him, Jim did. "He’s not going to be here that long."

Jim just stood there looking at him, giving nothing away and Leonard’s throat worked as he tried to come up with something to start the conversation. "I didn’t think calling was a good idea. And Scotty said you were home…"

"So that’s how you found me? Scotty?"

It was amazing that Jim could sound so cool. His voice always had this soft rasp to it, turned husky when he sang, and it had snagged Leonard’s attention from day one, sent an itch down his spine that had to be scratched.

Leonard cursed his wandering mind. He was thinking about Jim, bare-chested, beautiful Jim, and not about why he was here. Why he was torturing himself like this. He nodded. "He owed me a favor."

"Whatever," Jim interrupted. "I’ll have a talk with him. Just _why_ are you here, Leonard?"

"Can we sit down?"

"Don’t think so."

"Jim, please? I’m sorry for interrupting… whatever--"

Heat flared in Jim’s cool blue eyes, but he kept himself still. " _Whatever_ is none of your goddamned business, Leonard. If I want to keep Gary around as a boy toy, have a whole freakin’ harem, it’s none of your concern!"

Leonard swallowed, couldn’t help reacting to the subtle flush tinting Jim’s fair skin. Before he could do something stupid, his mouth getting ahead of him, Gary stepped back into the room, saving him.

"Hey! Don’t drag me into this!" He handed Jim and Leonard each a steaming cup of rich, dark coffee. "Don’t know how you take it, but there’s fixins in the kitchen," he offered Leonard with a jerked thumb over his shoulder.

"And, you." Gary nudged Jim with his shoulder. "Quit being a prick. I’m nobody’s boy toy. Man whore, maybe." He gave Jim a shit-eating grin, but there was something else in his eyes as he said softly, "I’ll be upstairs."

Leonard looked at the coffee cup in his hand, then back up at Jim. He shrugged and walked to the kitchen. He wasn’t leaving until Jim had heard him out. Besides Jim was always grumpy until he’d had his coffee. Some things never change.

He dumped milk into his coffee, taking a cautious sip at the perfect brew when Jim finally strode into the kitchen. He was still closed off, his eyes lifeless as he cocked his head expectantly at Leonard. "Okay, I’m listening. Spill it."

The coffee didn’t help Leonard’s nerves and Jim looking at him like he was something to be scraped off the bottom of his boots didn’t calm him any, either. Taking one last sip, he set the mug down and started talking. "I’m happy for you… we’re both -- Jo-Jo and me -- happy for you." He lifted his eyes skyward, "And sorry for earlier. For interrupting. And assuming. I just… Jo and I we’ve been watching and I guess I thought…" he paused, hating how his mouth just ran off ahead of his brain. "I thought you had a serious girl and I’m sorry… shit!"

He grabbed the mug and took a mouthful, cursing inwardly as the hot liquid burned the roof of his mouth. He couldn’t do anything but swallow and then swore out loud. "Motherfucker! What kind of coffee maker do you have?"

Jim chuckled, the sound low and gravelly, almost making Leonard forget his mouth. But then Jim pressed an ice cube into his palm, saying, "Suck on this, Bones." And Leonard did forget his mouth, he forgot damn near his own name as all the blood in his brain left for more southern locales. He took the ice cube and sucked on it, blinking in utter surprise.

Jim ducked his head, but Leonard could still see the smile that he was fighting. And Leonard laughed, well the best he could while sucking on an ice cube. His laughter died when Jim looked up at him with those eyes, those fuckin’ eyes that still hadn’t let his heart go.

Jim broke the moment by lifting his cup. "I guess we can talk in the living room." He turned to leave the kitchen, tossing out, "Might think about using the ice to cool your coffee," over his shoulder.

Leonard watched him leave, took the opportunity to stare at his ass and bared back before following.

~~*~~

Jim grabbed a discarded tee off the back of the sofa, sniffing it before he tugged it on over his head. He took a sip of coffee and then sprawled, legs spread, body language challenging, matching his dark eyed, stiff expression. "So spill it, Leonard. What the fuck brings you to Tennessee?" 

Leonard refused to answer Jim's provocation with his own anger. Jim had a right to his ire, Leonard didn't.

Instead he took a deep, slow breath, sitting gingerly on the chair across from Jim. "I'm sorry, Jim. I-I know that you have every right to be angry..."

Jim snorted.

"A-and this isn't about me asking for forgiveness..." Leonard continued, but looking at Jim and unable to meet his eyes was throwing off Leonard's script. 

He took another deep breath and blew it out, leaned forward to press his elbows into his knees. "I'm sorry. I screwed up. I thought I was doing the right thing. For Joanna. For you--"

"Wow. Thanks, _mom,_ but I can take care of myself!" Jim snapped.

Sighing, Leonard looked up, tried to catch Jim's eye, but he wouldn't budge, wouldn't give Leonard that satisfaction. "I know that, Jim. I'm an idiot and do stupid things, but I never once doubted that you'd make it."

"Growing old here, man. Can you speed it up?" Jim sniped at him.

"It's Jo-Jo."

That caught Jim's attention. His head snapped to glare at Leonard and he couldn't miss the sharp flash of pain in Jim's eyes. "What happened? Is she okay?"

Leonard waved him off. "Jo's fine... well, physically. She's..." he slumped. "She's a big fan of yours and she's pissed at me, hurt." He looked up, pleaded with his eyes. "She doesn't understand why you had to leave. Why you left and never looked back."

"What?" Jim's face darkened, fury turning his eyes stormy. "You know damn good and well--"

"I do!" Leonard interrupted. "I told her. She knows that it was never your choice! But, and this is why I'm here... s-she wants to see you. The kids at her new school, they don't believe she knows you. And she's having a hard enough time fitting in." 

Jim was staring over Leonard's shoulder, his face a blank mask once again and Leonard realized how pathetic this all sounded, how impossible it was. He'd been a blind idiot to the two people he loved the most and this was the result. He'd screwed up and earned the contempt, the guilt, just one more sin to add to the myriad of others.

"Dammit," he swore. "You know what?" he asked, standing up. "Never mind. Fuck this. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. This is my mess and I shouldn't have asked--"

"I'll do it, Leonard," Jim interrupted, his voice soft but earnest.

"What?"

"I said I'd do it. I miss Jo. I'd love to see her again."

Jim looked up, finally met Leonard's gaze, but gave away nothing, no emotion in his eyes.

Stunned, Leonard slumped back into the chair and nodded. "Good. That's good then. Thank you."

So Jim agreed to come to Savannah to see Jo-Jo. A private meeting, a surprise for her in Leonard's home; all the arrangements made through Jim's secretary. If the whole transaction was more like a business deal than a family get together, that was Leonard's own fault.

If Jim was more like a marble statue than the warm hearted man he'd fallen in love with, well, that was on Leonard, too.

And if Jo was caught out, her haughty too-cool teen exterior gone in a heartbeat at the sight of one James T. Kirk striding to the door, wearing his signature plaid shirt and cowboy boots, then Leonard could claim that as well. Gladly.

The tears and laughter, he'll take those, too. He deserved some reward, after all.

That Jo smiled more in two hours than she'd done in the months since the move, Leonard couldn't take credit for. That was all Jim. Jim with his too-bright smile, a sheen of tears, and an obvious lump in his throat when Jo-Jo squealed and launched herself into his arms.

It hurt to be on the outside, but Leonard broke them. He had no place in their reunion.


	2. but there's another world we're living in tonight

Of course, Leonard should have known better than to think a single visit would suffice. Jo was relentless, especially when Jim could be found on YouTube singing a song he'd dedicated to her. Leonard should have been more wary, should have guarded his heart better, but he couldn't refuse Jo and Jim's hold on him had never really gone away.

“Daddy!” Jo squealed, jumping into bed with Leonard who moaned and cracked his eyes to look at the clock.

“Jo! What the ever lovin’ hell? It’s five am!”

“Daddy! Jim’s here!”

And suddenly Jo was no longer on the bed, but tugging Leonard out into the dark morning.

“Jo?”

“Jim’s here! He’s going to take me to school!”

Leonard staggered down the stairs and into his living room, only to be confronted with Jim, all dolled up like he was set to go on stage, complete with his guitar at his side.

Shaking his head, Leonard freed himself from Jo’s tight grip and shambled into the kitchen. “Ain’t enough coffee in the world for this,” he grumbled, acutely aware of his disheveled, grimy appearance. He felt like he’d just gotten to sleep (it was two, so close) and didn’t deserve this.

“You okay with this, Bones?” Jim asked from where he was leaning oh so casually against the doorway, obscenely long legs stretched out before him, eyes laser bright, but he still appeared sheepish, unsure, as though Leonard was going to bite his head off. Which wasn’t far from a possibility. Leonard was so not a morning person and definitely needed caffeine to be marginally coherent on three hours of sleep.

Leonard turned and leaned on the counter next to the coffee maker as the aroma of the restorative elixir began to permeate his senses. “I like to know up front, a little warning, Jim. You know that.” He glared at Jim, tried to keep his eyes from sliding down Jim’s torso… and lower.

Jim’s lips quirked in a mischievous half-smile. “Sorry ‘bout that. I didn’t know myself. Our venue got flooded, so I was in the area with nothing but time on my hands.” He shrugged, shooting Leonard a ‘what-can-you-do?’ grin. And goddammit! Leonard smiled back, his half-asleep brain conspiring against him.

“You don’t do anything crazy, Jim, ya’ hear? Jo’s got to make do when you’re gone. You can’t fix everything with a smile and a song,” Leonard chided as he poured out the dark coffee into a chipped stoneware mug. It was from the University of Iowa and had been Jim’s Leonard realized belatedly. And he was too much of a sentimentalist to throw the damned thing out.

Sighing, he interrupted Jim’s answer. “Coffee?”

“Yeah, Bones. Thanks.” And there was that smile, small, but genuine and Leonard felt warm down to his toes. “I just want her to be happy, that’s all.”

“I know you do, kid.” Leonard swallowed, replying softly, his insides all a-whirl. Whatever he’d done, Jim never held it against Joanna. Thank god.

~~*~~

The visits continued and Leonard had to be there, had to stay on the sidelines, watching, longing. Jim's presence, so near and yet so far, did nothing to ease the ache. There were times Leonard swore that Jim's eyes glinted with that old, familiar mischief, that he intentionally licked his lips _all the damned time_ or that his jeans were obscenely tight _on purpose._

Then something would happen to break the moment, usually Jo’s squeal of protest at Jim’s teasing or, on a rare occasion, Jo would trip up and the hurt, angry little girl would make an appearance before she took off, slamming her bedroom door behind her.

“Sorry about that, Jim. She’s having a rough time,” Leonard apologized. He could never decide if Jim’s visits made everything better or if they just delayed the inevitable heartbreak for Jo _and_ him.

“Don’t worry about it. We all have off days,” he replied, eyes a bit sad as he stared up the stairs after Jo. “She’s coping better than I ever did.”

And that barely voiced reminder of the shit Jim went through as a kid made Leonard feel worse; reminded him that he’d ended up being just another in that too-long list of folks that had betrayed Jim. Despite that, Jim was here, faithful and loyal, devoted to Joanna.

“Want a beer?” Leonard offered instead, cautiously opening himself up.

Jim looked at his watch, then back at Leonard, giving him an easy grin that didn't quite meet his eyes. “Love one.”

That quiet acceptance was their first tentative step back to the friendship that had bloomed into so much more. From ‘injured-in-a-bar-fight’ angry kid to best friend and lover, it’d been a helluva ride. And now, with Jim sitting here on Leonard’s couch quietly chatting about the day-to-day difficulties of his whirlwind life, Leonard realized just how empty his life had been without Jim.

~~*~~

Leonard was in the kitchen, the routine of wiping and swiping a soothing end to a long work week, while Jo finished her homework in her room. He still marveled at the changes Savannah and Jim most of all, if he was honest, had wrought in their lives. Jo was happy at school, had made a few good friends, and Leonard had even gone out for drinks with a few of the docs on his rotation. He was living again, was settling into his own skin and that was all for the best.

Still, he’d get down on occasion, miss Jim, miss the life they’d had like a phantom limb. Then Jo would wander through, the phone pressed to her face, her smile rivaling the sun, and Leonard couldn’t let the regrets win. So he kept to his routine and let Jo bloom.

The doorbell rang and before Leonard could take two steps toward the front door, Jo stomped down the stairs, shouting, “Coming!” at the top of her lungs, the music from her room flowing after her. And how she’d even heard the bell over that racket, Leonard would never know.

“Jim!” she squealed and Leonard’s heartbeat quickened. It was stupid and ridiculous, but he tore the towel off his shoulder, straightened his shirt and ran fingers through his hair. He was barefoot in ratty jeans and an old plaid shirt. Not his best look, but at least he wasn’t wearing sweats.

As Leonard stepped from the kitchen into the living room, Jim was ushering a lithe brunette inside, his arm wrapped about her waist. Jo’s eyes went comically wide as she grabbed Jim’s hand, ducking her head from sudden shyness. Leonard froze, his pulse hammering in his ears from the wide swing in emotion, expectation giving way to disappointment and he had no clue what to do with himself.

“Jo-bear, I’d like you to meet Anne Hathaway,” Jim introduced, tugging Jo a little closer so she’d make eye contact.

Anne held out her hand and Jo overcame her sudden bout of shyness to shake it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Joanna. I’ve heard so many good things about you.”

Jo twitched, floundering for a while until she blurted out, “You were in Princess Diaries! You got to kiss Chris Pine!”

That declaration made Leonard start, pulling him from where his feet were rooted to the spot. He stepped forward, offered his hand. “Leonard McCoy, Ms. Hathaway. This is a pleasant surprise!” He shot Jim a confused glance, then turned back to Anne, saying, “It’s a real pleasure to finally meet the saint that puts up with Jim.”

Jim grumbled, but grinned in that half-cocky, half-unsure way he had as he met Leonard’s gaze.

Anne took Leonard’s hand and gave him a wide, sweet smile that made her even more beautiful, if that was possible. “Leonard! It _is_ Leonard, isn’t it? I’m never sure with Jim and his nicknames.” She looked over her shoulder to Jim and got his full-on cock sure, endearing asshole grin.

“My friends call me Len, ma’am.”

“I’ll call you Len if you cut out that ma’am crap! Sounds like you’re talking to my mom!”

“Deal,” he chuckled, showing them into the den to sit on his slightly worn but very comfortable couch and chairs.

When they left, Leonard realized two things. Jo had craved a woman in her life for far too long and Anne with her quick laugh and bright smile won Jo over almost instantly. The second realization was that Anne was absolutely perfect for Jim. She was more than beautiful, carried herself with such grace, and never took Jim’s shit.

Leonard swallowed his jealousy, kept smiling even as the hope that Jim might ever be something more than a friend again dwindled to ash.

~~*~~

Leonard heard Jo's hushed tones as he was passing her room. It was late, past her bedtime, so he peeked in and there was his baby girl, snuggled in bed on the cell phone. Leonard would chide, tell her she was breaking the rules, but he couldn’t. She had to be talking to Jim, so he just silently observed.

Jo was drowsy, half-aware, clinging both to Jim’s words and the stuffed dragon he'd given her eons ago. She finally dozed off, phone still pressed to her ear. Leonard carefully lifted the phone, only to find Jim still on the line. Swallowing past a lump in his throat, past all the feelings he was constantly suppressing, Leonard quietly spoke into the mic, “Jim?”

“Yeah, Bones?”

Jim’s voice was rough, tired. Wherever Jim was, it was late, but he’d taken the time to call Jo, to remind her that he hadn’t forgotten her despite it being months since he could make it to Savannah. Jim was like that, never broke a promise to Jo. Even with the craziness that was his life on tour, he still made an effort for her.

Leonard wouldn’t have thought a simple text message could mean so much, but it did. And Jim knew that. He’d experienced loss and disappointment from an early age, so he never made promises he couldn’t keep. That was why it often seemed like he blew into their lives like a tornado, fast and fierce, leaving chaos in his wake. His time was not his own, was over-scheduled, double-booked, insane to Leonard's mind. If last minute was the only way Jim could be there, then both Leonard and Joanna would gladly take their lives being turned upside down on a moment’s notice.

Leonard looked at his daughter once again, her blonde hair all tousled, face smooshed into her pillow, long, dark lashes brushing her still plump babyish cheeks. Unimaginable love and heartfelt gratitude choked Leonard and he cleared his throat a couple times to make the lump go away. “Thanks. For everything. I know—“

“It’s my pleasure,” Jim interrupted, like he didn’t want to hear Leonard’s apologies or excuses again. “I l-l-,” Jim hesitated, his voice hitching. “I missed her. So much. Thanks for letting me back into her life.”

Leonard wasn’t an idiot despite evidence to the contrary. He heard what Jim was saying, heard the way his voice was a bit wet, knew what Jim _hadn’t_ voiced. Leonard’s stomach burned with it, his eyes stinging.

“Our life’s better now, Jim. _She’s_ better, happier, whole,” he said, not daring to add just how much _he_ had improved. “You’re good for her,” he finished, straining to keep his voice level. What he wanted was right in front of him, so close he could feel the warmth of Jim's gaze, but it’d never been farther out of reach, and Leonard had to will away the ache in his chest.

"Get some sleep, kid," he said, the original endearment slipping out too effortlessly.

If Jim noticed, he didn't say, just replied with a hushed, "Night, Bones."

~~*~~

Leonard rolled with the punches, even started dating again, though he really wasn’t good at the whole singles’ scene. He was rusty and awkward and even the single moms who understood his life – juggling home and work, carpooling, take out, homework struggles – weren’t easy to talk to, nothing like Jim. And the guys generally ran away screaming the moment he mentioned Jo.

But he kept trying, had to hold out hope that he’d connect, that he could find... _someone_ to keep the loneliness at bay. Jim was too close, his smile, those infernal eyes, and his lithe body devastating to Leonard's psyche. He _wanted._ There was definitely something to the truth about unattainable desire and Leonard needed to do something about his libido and how it had suddenly amped up to a ridiculous level. He wasn't some over-sexed teenager, dammit!

Of course every time Leonard thought he had everything under control, Jim would blow in and throw Leonard's world into a Jim-shaped maelstrom. Just like the weekend he and Anne arrived for a charity gala. The worst part was that Leonard couldn't even begin to argue that he couldn't go. It was for his hospital and all off-duty staff were required to attend. Anything to keep the donors happy; and chatting about personal medical issues while dressed in formal wear seemed to be all the rage.

But Leonard could never catch a break and Jo chose the morning of the party to lose it -- she threw a full-blown tantrum, one he hadn't seen the likes of since she was a _toddler._ Ultimately, Leonard got to the bottom of it and it wasn't her fault. It couldn't be. But obviously the fates hated Leonard because his twelve-year old daughter's body chose that morning to go from child to woman. Leonard tried, he was a doctor, dammit! But Jo was mortified by his clinical explanation; ultimately swearing that she would never leave the bathroom ever again.

So Leonard was in a tux on his knees in front of the bathroom door, cajoling his daughter through the keyhole.

"Jo, baby, seriously, hon. Just open the door. I'm a doctor. I can help!"

"You don't know anything!" she shouted, her voice thick with tears.

Leonard ached, no words came to mind.

"Have you ever had a period, Daddy? Have you?"

"Well, no---" he began.

"Then shut up! Just shut up!"

And that's how Jim found them, Leonard with his forehead pressed to the door, quietly urging Jo to open the door. He startled, looking up when a warm hand pressed to his shoulder. "Bones," Jim said, voice quiet, eyes dark with worry.

Leonard slumped, whole body crumpling down on itself. He covered Jim's hand with his own and struggled to stand. Anne was standing behind Jim looking for all intents and purposes like a model from the pages of a magazine. But she, too, was concerned, her normal bright smile diminished by the creases in her forehead.

He nodded toward the kitchen, urging them to follow.

"What's going on, Bones? Is Jo-Jo okay?" Jim was vibrating with tension, his hands clenching at his side, back ram-rod straight.

Slumping against the counter, Leonard shook his head. "Jo--" he started, then stopped, eyes darting over Jim's shoulder to Anne. Then they widened and he blurted it all out, hope flaring. "Jo started her period. She's... we've talked... she's..." he stammered.

Annie sighed, her shoulders relaxing as she gave Leonard a gentle smile. "I'll talk to her, Len." Then she turned away, walking toward the bathroom door and disappearing behind it before Leonard could object or even register what had happened.

Jim relaxed, too, his smile teasing. "Didn't you learn about this in med school, Bones?"

"Shut it, dammit!" Leonard growled, but it was half-hearted, his eyes glued to the door.

And before he knew it, laughter from the bathroom broke the tense silence. He looked at Jim whose shoulders were settling as well.

Then the door opened and Anne stepped out, Joanna hot on her heels hightailing it away from them, up the stairs like the devil himself was chasing her. Leonard's eyes followed her, staring. He didn't know what he was hoping, but his daughter running from him was not it.

A slim, long fingered hand rested on his forearm and pulled his gaze down to meet Anne's large, brown eyes. She gifted him with that smile of hers, the one that could melt polar ice and he felt himself calming.

"She'll be fine, Len. She was just scared, wasn't ready."

"We've talked... I gave her Christine's number..." he fumbled. He'd tried everything he could think of, knew this was one area he didn't have what Jo needed.

Anne nodded. "Yes, and all of that was good. You did fine. She just needed a little reassurance... and a few stories to know that it might be a nuisance, but something that all women share. Like a bond."

Leonard sighed suddenly overcome. He wrapped Anne in a tight embrace, muttering his gratitude.

Anne just laughed and hugged him back. "It's my pleasure, Len. Jo's a great kid and I always wanted a sister."

When Leonard realized that he was clinging a little too tightly and for too long to be seemly, he jerked back, blushing, eyes glancing at Jim and then away.

Jim just laughed. "It's okay, Bones. You didn't muss my date."

Leonard blushed, hating that Jim still knew him so well. And then something went right and he was saved by the bell, literally.

Jo's best friend was at the door and Jo was, once again, racing down the stairs, smile bright as she shrugged into her Hello Kitty backpack. She tugged the door open, only turning to look as she stepped over the threshold. "Bye, Daddy! Bye Jim! Bye Anne! Thanks!" Then she was chattering excitedly, head bent low with Maddie's, all her earlier cares forgotten.

Leonard just gaped after her as the screen door slammed shut. He didn't think he'd ever grow accustomed to the rollercoaster of his baby girl's new emotions.

~~*~~

The gala was one of the best, and worst, he'd had the joy of attending. Jim's quiet snark about the moneyed elite and their peccadillo's left Leonard snickering into his champagne. But watching Jim and Anne on the dance floor cut sharply. Every eye was drawn to them as they swayed and spun; the way they fit together; with her heels, Anne was of a height to Jim and the contrast between, her dark hair, his light, made them the perfect couple. It was no wonder that the press adored them. Leonard swallowed and switched to bourbon.

Despite the desperate longing, despite seeing with his own eyes what his conscience had been telling him from the first time he'd laid eyes on a picture of Anne, despite this all being on him, Leonard still smiled more in that long evening than he'd had in an age.

Leonard was a little drunk and grateful for the limo as they rode back in sleepy silence, Anne dozing on Jim's shoulder and Leonard sprawled out across from the cozy tableau. He was a little too raw to smile when he met Jim's eyes, but Jim didn't mind. He'd always taken Leonard's gruffness better than anyone. Jim fidgeted, settling Anne a little better under his arm, but kept his eyes locked with Leonard's. There was something there, a flash of heat and Leonard quailed, ducking his eyes away instead of acknowledging the possibility. He told himself it was a drink-fueled illusion and couldn't possibly be real.

Jim insisted on going to the door to retrieve Jo and soon enough, he was sandwiched between the two drowsy girls, _women_ , Leonard reminded himself, looking like the cat that'd got the canary. When they arrived at Leonard's home, Jim insisted, again, and he carried Jo to her bed. Leonard watched as Jim tucked her in, brushing soft curls away from her face and kissing her forehead. The tender scene made Leonard's heart stutter and his throat close. If Leonard hadn't already lost his heart to Jim Kirk years ago, that moment would have done it.

Sighing, he turned away and slipped down the stairs, only to be met with the sight of Annie curled up on his sofa, looking nothing like a Hollywood star tucked under his gram's quilt.

Jim joined Leonard, their shoulders brushing. Leonard glanced over, his eye catching on Jim's open collar for an instant. "She's beautiful, Jim. And a great gal," he whispered.

"She is."

There was something in Jim's voice, Leonard thought he recognized a wistful longing, a soft ache like when he'd first met Jim, back when singing was just a pipedream. The realization made his heart clench. Jim wasn't his, wouldn't ever be again, but at least he knew that Jim was happy and well-loved, just as he deserved.

So this was Leonard's life. It was insane and utterly fucked up -- he was still in love with Jim, but Jim was just his best friend now and at least he had that again. Jim had Annie, who was perfect and Leonard had a good life with an incredible daughter. The universe was in balance and Leonard didn't deserve another chance with Jim after what he'd done anyway.

~~*~~

It was no secret that Leonard hated change, but Jim and, through his influence, Jo, _thrived_ on it. They both reveled in new, different, _shiny._ So it should have come as no surprise that Jim, in his usual way, tossed Leonard's plans out the window, setting his world spinning erratically, like his life had been picked up and set down on a Tilt-A-Whirl. And Jim knew what he was doing, the bastard. He'd sent the invitation to Jo, not Leonard. Her shriek was ear splitting when she opened the FedEx envelope. There was no way for Leonard to decline the tickets to Annie's latest movie premiere. With Jo out of school, he could conjure no valid excuse; being crotchety and hating Los Angeles just didn't cut it. The idea of spending two weeks near Jim tipped the scales and Jo was on the phone accepting before Leonard could even finished agreeing.

Still, Leonard was unprepared for LA, the bustle, the smog, the paps, the people, and, holy hell, the traffic! He bemoaned Jo's enthusiasm but trudged after her, a half-smile on his face no matter what ridiculous thing they were seeing. He even enjoyed Disneyland, though the lines were ridiculous, but the backstage tour was fascinating and getting to watch a real-live movie filming was eye opening for Jo _and_ him.

Their days were filled and passed quickly until the premiere was almost upon them. Leonard thought everything was already done, he’d allowed Joanna to buy a crazy expensive designer dress, even went so far as buying himself a new suit so he wouldn’t embarrass his daughter, but there was more. More foofing! More shopping! He shook his head and grudgingly gave permission for a girls'-only excursion to all the stores that Leonard would never set foot in, let alone crack open his wallet for. Annie merely laughed and insisted the day was on her, including the mani-pedi and an entire afternoon at some hoity-toity spa that had Jo practically bouncing off the ceiling. That should have been Leonard's first clue, but he still thought of Jo-Jo as a tomboy, had completely forgotten that she was an honest-to-god _teen_ now.

Jim joined in, cajoling and teasing; tried enticing Leonard to concede with the promise of a lazy, boys'-only day, one where Leonard controlled the remote. Gary's offering (bribe) was booze, pot, and porn, but none of that could overcome Leonard's baseless fear of child snatchers stealing his baby in big, bad LA.

Even the lure of alone time with Jim couldn't cut through the noise of his thundering heart. No, ultimately he was worn down by Jo and Annie, evil co-conspirators who used all their assets against Leonard. No man could resist wide, shimmering eyes, pouting lips, and clinging arms. He resisted, put up a good fight, but crumbled when Annie kissed his cheek and swore that Jo would never leave her sight.

A casual day goofing off, shooting hoops, drinking beer, watching baseball on Annie's obscenely large television, not to mention the prospect of seeing Jim in swim trunks, went a long way toward easing Leonard's protective streak. He was still threatening to veto the whole shebang as Jo and Annie piled into the backseat of a limo, his warnings clearly and easily ignored.

Despite the early hour, Gary wasn't kidding about his nefarious plan to seduce Leonard into relaxing. It was too early for Leonard and he passed on everything except a greasy breakfast fried up by Gary. His gravy wasn't half bad for a guy from Iowa, but the refrigerated biscuits had nothing on Leonard's gram's, which Jim pointed out, repeatedly, to Gary's annoyance. The friendly banter between Gary and Jim made it easier for Leonard to slip into the 'bros' mindset; allowed him a chance to throw off the ever present low burn of attraction toward Jim in favor of just being friends hanging out. After breakfast, the guys sprawled in the den, but Leonard began to clear away the dishes.

"Don't do that, Bones," Jim protested.

"As if I'd allow Annie to clean up after us!" Leonard snorted.

"Dude. Annie has a housekeeper for all that. Get your ass over here. I've got some sweet FILF porn and a baggie of--"

"FILF?" Leonard couldn't help blurting out. He knew he'd regret doing so from Gary's wicked smile.

"Father I'd Like to Fuck!" Gary crowed. Jim rolled his eyes, but wasn't arguing.

"Jesus!" Leonard shook his head, eyes darting toward the front door.

"Give it a rest, old man," Gary soothed in a smarmy voice. "The girls are gone until late. No worries that your daughter will ever stumble across my porn stash."

"Chill out, Bones. It'll be fun."

"What will? Watching you guys get it on? No thanks." He muttered, stalking toward the kitchen.

"Whatever," Gary said, lighting up. "Your loss."

Leonard tried to ignore the two half-clad men lounging on the leather sofa. That was only made more difficult when Gary, true to his word, started up the television and ridiculous dialog floated to Leonard's hearing over the running water and clattering of dishes as he rinsed and washed. Still it was hard to take his eyes from the screen as two incredibly attractive men circled around each other in a parody of real attraction.

He was almost caught by surprise when he switched off the water and snippets of a hushed conversation filtered to him.

_"Don't you dare leave, Gary!"_

_"Fuck that shit, man. Annie took the kid and I'll get out of your hair. Take advantage of it."_

_"He doesn't want me--"_

_"Bullshit! You're not blind. That guy's got it bad, Jim."_

_"Riiight. And what about Anne?"_

_"Give our girl_ some _credit. She's given you a gift. A chance. Don't louse it up."_

With that Gary stood up and stretched, then scratched his belly. He met Leonard's wide eyes and gave him a feral grin. "Hey, Leo, my man. I hope you don't mind, but I got a call out. A friend needs a bass today, so I'm going to have to bag out on you."

Leonard was shaking his head and didn't dare meet Jim's eyes.

"Good. Now don't do anything I wouldn't!" He chuckled and headed out, taking the stairs two at a time, leaving Leonard and Jim fumbling awkwardly in his wake.

Jim slumped into the cushions and ran his hand over his face. "Sorry about that, Bones. Gary's... well Gary's an ass, but a well-meaning one."

"Is he only into guys?" That wasn't what Leonard had meant to ask, but his mouth wasn't connected to anything right now and Gary was a tall, lean man with a chiseled jaw, a sweep of dark hair and those disturbing yet somehow enticing silver-blue eyes. Leonard wouldn't call the burn in his gut jealousy, but his eyes were tinting a dark shade of green.

Jim chuckled. "Gary's into anything that moves. He plays hard, lives fiercely, throws himself into everything he does. It's pretty damned amazing to watch, actually."

Leonard leaned against the bar, eyes scanning the large open-plan room, looking everywhere but at Jim. Somehow Anne had created a haven that fit her and Jim. The place was tastefully decorated without being too effete or too masculine. It was homey and surprisingly cozy for being one large area with kitchen, den, and dining all occupying the space. But Leonard couldn't keep his eyes away from Jim for long and when they finally turned Jim's way, he was met with an abashed grin, Jim's skin faintly flushed.

"You don't... I mean, we don't have to watch the porn," Jim stammered out.

Leonard took a deep breath and grabbed hold of his earlier equilibrium. "That's probably a good idea. But maybe we can watch the Braves? Or shoot some hoops? I haven’t wiped the pavement with you in a long time. Then maybe go for a swim?"

Jim nodded eagerly and Leonard's control faltered. This was going to be a freaking impossible day, but Jim was his friend and Jim was taken no matter what Gary thought. Leonard wasn't going to do that to Annie.

So all of that was how Leonard found himself amazingly relaxed and content from just a few hours in Jim's company, kind of like old times, but not. And now Leonard was swimming laps in the pool while Jim lounged in the sun, his ridiculously tiny trunks concealing nothing and exposing his glorious physique for God and everyone, including Leonard, to ogle. It was all a little too much, really.

"You better put on sunscreen, Jim. You'll regret not when you put on that starched shirt over a sunburn," Leonard called out as he clung to the side of the pool near Jim's chaise. If he mapped every contour and freckle on Jim's bare skin, it was simply out of concern for Jim's health.

Jim turned his head toward Leonard, lifting his hand to shade his eyes. Those eyes which shone in the sunshine, their blue rivaling the sky, making Leonard swallow. He was unaccountably grateful for the cool water and his own, loose trunks.

"Didn't know you cared, Bones."

"I'm a doctor, dammit! And your friend. Don't be an ass."

"Huh," Jim huffed out. "Then you best get up here and put it on me." Jim dropped his hand, picked up the lotion and tossed it toward Leonard in the pool. It sailed over Leonard's head making him flip and dive for it before it sunk to the bottom.

"Goddammit, Jim!" Leonard spluttered as he swam back to the side of the pool where Jim was grinning madly at him. He hoisted himself over the edge and stalked toward Jim whose eyes widened in response.

As Leonard neared, Jim darted up and tried to cut past Leonard to get to the cabana, but Leonard's arm shot out and he caught Jim, tugged him close as they began wrestling; Leonard dragging Jim toward the pool and Jim attempting to pull away. Jim was wiry and strong, but Leonard had bulk, mass, and sheer cussedness on his side. Jim went sailing into the pool, Leonard not far behind.

They wrestled and fought, dunking each other and trying to get away, but neither getting the upper hand as they chased each other up and down the pool. It was so achingly familiar, reminiscent of all those lazy summer days at the watering hole -- Jim's bright laughter sent warmth searing through Leonard's chest -- that the moment they stopped, legs tangled together and arms wrapped around each other in a tight grip with their eyes locked, what followed was no great surprise. The kiss was heated, intense and so fucking _perfect,_ everything that Leonard had fantasized about since he'd left Jim all those years ago.

Jim was writhing in his arms, crawling up Leonard, until he wrapped his arms about Leonard, tugging him close, melding himself to Leonard like a limpet. Their mouths sealed together, Leonard's tongue sweeping, tasting, lapping up the familiar and desperately missed taste of Jim. And the noises that Jim made? That little mewling whimper? Leonard drank it all in, took them hungrily, greedily kept them for himself, cataloguing every sound, every moment, the way Jim felt (so right) in his arms. His bare skin, the flex of his muscles under Leonard's palms, the way that nothing had _fit_ since that day three years ago. And if this was all he would get, Leonard wasn't going to miss a single moment, wasn't going to squander his chance.

They sprawled half in the water, half out, their limbs entangled on the wide pool steps as they kept kissing, clinging tight; Leonard was afraid if he let go this would all turn out to be nothing but a fever dream. He'd had enough of those for one lifetime.

But the steps were hard and even their blazing passion couldn't compensate for empty lungs and they separated, chests heaving and hearts pounding. It sounded like a damn romance novel even in Leonard's head. He drew in sweet air and reached to drag Jim in for another kiss but was stopped cold by the haunted, hurt expression on Jim's face.

"Jim?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Jim didn't answer, just shook his head before propelling himself out of the water and rushing into the house.

Leonard watched him go, a chill settling in his gut. He had no idea what was going on in Jim's head, and if this had been the Leonard of three years ago, he would have just waited Jim out, preferring the easy way to actual conversation. But Leonard had screwed up badly, had hurt Jo and Jim and himself by assuming things. He'd promised Jo that he wouldn't do that anymore.

So Leonard wrapped a towel around his waist and sought out Jim. He found him in his bedroom, the strumming of his guitar barely audible through the locked door.

"Jim?" he called out, knocking firmly.

When there was no answer, Leonard knocked again, harder. "Jim! Open up. We need to talk. Please?" he begged.

The guitar playing stopped, but the door didn't open. He heard movement, or thought he did, and then there was Jim, his voice a low rasp, denying him through a closed door. "Go away, Leonard."

Hearing his first name in Jim's weary voice made Leonard flinch. "Jim, please? Just open up so that we can talk about everything. I won't push you. I just need to know what I did wrong."

"Nothing to talk about. Just leave me alone. Please?"

Leonard swallowed, the words wouldn't come, couldn't get out past the lump in his throat and the stones lodged in his gut. Whatever was going on in Jim's head, Leonard had been the cause and he needed to fix it. He just didn't know how.

But he would do whatever Jim asked.

"Alright. I... I can do that. I'm sorry, Jim. I didn't mean..." But Leonard was talking to himself because he could hear the music starting up again.

Leonard pressed his palm to the wood, rested his forehead against it, and sighed. With a long, shuddering breath, he straightened, turning and walking away from Jim, even though his heart was shattering.


	3. Instead of walking towards you, I ran away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry for the ridiculously long wait on this. My muses evaporated, but now my brain is back! Also, you'll notice that there are going to be four chapters instead of three. The last one's mostly an epilogue. It's un-written, but planned. I really do hope that I can have it done in short order.

Despite the modest size of Annie's bungalow, Jim was adept at avoiding Leonard for the rest of that evening and all the next day.

Jo asked what had happened and Leonard couldn't bear to explain, not the whole truth of it. Annie's penetrating gaze was worse, and she was harder to avoid, harder to hide from, but luck was on Leonard's side. The cottage was swarming with stylists early the next day, so he could shelter in his room and ignore the guilt eating at him.

He'd still not seen hide nor hair of Jim when the limo came for them, and Jo's boundless enthusiasm masked Leonard's unease. He could sink into the moment with her, snapping picture after picture of her looking so beautiful she took his breath away. Of course, Jim chose that moment to turn up. He looked better than the cover of a men's magazine, but he wouldn't meet Leonard's eyes, not even when Leonard was snapping pictures of the three of them.

Their driver took more pictures so that all four were in the photos, and later, when Leonard looked through them, he was amazed that no one had called him out. He had a concerned furrow on his brow, but his eyes were glued to Jim, his smile ridiculously smitten. So much for not broadcasting to the world just how he felt about Jim. It didn't help that there were two photos, snapped in between the posed shots, where Jim was glancing Leonard's way. The longing in those brilliant blue eyes cut Leonard to the core.

He had no clue what the hell he was supposed to do with any of this.

If his first instinct was to take Jo and head for the hills, the only thing keeping him from doing so was that he didn't have a car or a way home, really. Besides, he’d promised.

He was even more lost after the movie premiere. Jo and Annie ganged up on him again and he found himself agreeing. And then Jo was being whisked away, his baby girl was going to a Hollywood party with some of her favorite Disney stars. How could he honestly refuse?

Sadly, that left Leonard with Annie, Jim, and Gary. Leonard had nothing against Gary, but he had this way of looking at Leonard, his eyes intense and dark, the pupils nearly swallowing the silver-blue, like he could read Leonard's mind. It was disconcerting at best, downright unnerving when Leonard's own insides were in turmoil.

Leonard liked Annie, rather a lot, but right now he wanted nothing to do with any human being. He just wanted to grab that fine bottle of bourbon at the bar and hide.

But when he tried to do just that, first Gary, then Annie found him. And if Gary's gaze was normally unsettling, right now, his eyes were blazing, making Leonard cringe. Annie glared at him with cold disapproval and Leonard backed away from them both, hands held up in a placating manner.

"I'm sorry," he began. "Whatever it is. I'm sorry."

"Whatever?" Gary spluttered. "You don't even fuckin' know?"

"Gary," Annie cautioned as she put a palm on Gary's bicep.

Leonard just looked at Gary's hands, both clenched into fists. He knew damned good and well Gary wanted to punch him. If Jim had told Gary what happened, then Gary's anger was deserved, though Leonard couldn't figure out if Gary was pissed for Jim or Annie or himself. And wasn't that all just a little too confusing?

Leonard swallowed, wanted to say something, but Annie shook her head and looked at him with those wide, expressive eyes of hers and Leonard just broke, slumped against the wall, the bottle of bourbon slipping from his fingers to roll on the floor.

He looked at the amber liquid sloshing instead of meeting Anne's eyes and wondered why she hadn't slapped him or something. She had to know what he'd done, surely?

Anne stepped closer and the door opened and shut behind her -- Gary leaving, apparently.

"Leonard, what happened? Your side of things, if you please?" she asked, her hand pressing against his shoulder.

"I fucked up, m'dear. I... we were swimming. Wrestling in the pool. It was too much like back in Jesup at the watering hole. I forgot myself." He inhaled sharply through his nose and finally looked up. "I kissed Jim. And, it got away from us both." He rested his hand over Anne's on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I know... he's... you two... it... I..."

Annie huffed out a soft breath, turning her hand under Leonard's until she entwined their fingers. "You really are an idiot, Len."

"I know. I'm... I didn't mean to!"

"No, Len. I mean, you're an idiot. About Jim. About his feelings. What he wants," she said, shaking her head. Her eyes softened and she gave Leonard this look of exasperation mixed with fondness. He had no idea what he'd done to deserve that look, but it was better than the cool anger.

"Tell me something I don't know." Leonard ran his hands through his hair and finally slid down the wall, uncaring that his suit was getting rumpled, but he was closer to the bourbon.

Annie shook her head again and moved to sit down beside him. She was in some designer's flimsy dress, looked gorgeous in it, but she had no problem sitting on the floor beside Leonard. Just another example of why she was so perfect for Jim.

"Leonard. What happened? After you kissed Jim?"

He really didn't want to talk about this, not with Annie. She was Jim's girl, but she wasn't looking at him with anything but open concern and compassion. "You're a saint, darlin'. I don't know how you put up with all of us. And I mostly mean me and Gary. Not Jim. He'd never..."

"Len. Stop it," she interrupted. "You're working under a misunderstanding that I need to clear up right now."

"What? That I abused your hospitality. Took advantage of Jim? That I'm an asshole who really can't seem to do a damn thing except hurt those he cares about?" He was growling, so angry at himself that he was taking it out on Annie. "Just what do I misunderstand, dammit? I never should have come."

He reached for the bottle and almost got it open before Annie stopped him.

"You didn't do those things, Len. If you kissed Jim, then it's because you both wanted it. And I wish you'd done it sooner!"

"What?!?"

Annie rolled her eyes at Leonard, and pulled the bottle from his hands. "I love Jim. Very much. He's a wonderful guy. One of my best friends. But, Leonard. He's still in love with _you._ I knew that from the moment I met him."

"B-but... you two are living together! You took him to meet your parents!" he protested.

Annie shrugged. "They like Jim. And it works out better for me if I have someone. I don't have to worry about the tabloids or the casting couch, or anyone's assumptions. Neither of us do. Plus, the guy I'm in love with truly _is_ a clueless dolt. But he'll come around. If he doesn't, no skin off my nose. I have plans and they don't involve me being Mrs. anybody."

She offered Leonard a mischievous smile and he could do nothing but gape.

"I-I don't..."

"Leonard. Jim never got over you. All those damned songs about his broken heart, his lost love, even the angry ones were all odes to you. Gary made sure he never slipped up and heartland America will always wonder about the girl that hurt their favorite blue-eyed boy so bad. It's all coldly calculated, really. Except for the part where Jim's still in love with you." She took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the wall to glance up at him. "He just didn't know what to do with those feelings. He was pretty sure you'd moved on. Forgotten about him. And then you showed up on his doorstep. And... well, as they say, the rest is history."

Leonard blinked. None of that made sense.

"Then why? Why'd he run?"

"What? When you kissed him?" Her jaw clenched once before she snorted. "Goddamn. You really are an idiot, aren't you?"

Leonard bristled even if the accusation fit. "Hey!"

"Len. He's scared. You bailed on him once. Kicked him out. Remember?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Yes. And, Jim's still reeling from that. He doesn't trust you."

Leonard didn't know what to say, couldn't begin to process what she was suggesting. "B-but..."

"He doesn't trust you and he has good reason not to. So, the question is: what are you going to do about it?"

"Do?"

"Yes, do. Jim is out there getting sloshed and high if Gary has anything to say about it. He'll be moping for at least a week and I really don't feel like dealing with your mess once again."

She stood up, graceful and long limbed and Leonard could do nothing but stare as she straightened her dress.

"Len, I will pull Gary away from Jim, but it’s up to you to fix this. You decide what you want, and if that's Jim, then you fight for him. He deserves that. If you don't want him, then you have two seconds to say so. Because I'll need to be there to pick up the pieces."

Leonard was caught flat out, but with a bright flare of hope burning in his chest. It was something he hadn't believed possible and yet here Annie was offering it to him on a silver platter.

"But what about Jim's career?" His mouth always was two steps ahead of the rest of him.

Annie just grinned. "Jumping the gun there, aren't you, Len?"

He groped for an answer, but she just laughed, a quiet trilling sound filled with joy; her eyes alight. And there before his eyes was a goddess of a woman, perfection brought down to earth in a sexy black dress. Leonard found himself half in love with Annie and thoroughly conflicted, more now than ever. Who was Leonard McCoy to deny that Jim and Annie were meant to be together?

"Find Jim," she ordered as though she’d heard his doubts. With a little wave she walked out in a swirl of fabric, a ghost of jasmine trailing after. And Leonard was left clutching the bottle, his thoughts spinning dizzily.

~~*~~

Leonard stewed over Annie’s words, running them backward and forward until he was off-kilter and twisted into knots. He took a long drag from the bottle and frowned down at his shiny, black shoes. He wanted to believe everything she’d said, wanted to run find Jim and have an impossible happily ever after. But that only happened in fairy tales and sure as hell wasn’t Leonard’s life, especially not after what he’d done.

Leonard wasn’t sure how long he’d been zoned out, but he was startled out of his reverie by two young men practically dry humping each other as they slammed through the door. Leonard marveled at the acrobatics as the slighter man shoved the other up against the wall and pressed him halfway up it. He hastily stood when buttons started popping open and they still hadn’t paid him any mind when he slipped past them.

He shook his head and chuckled. He remembered being that desperate, how he couldn’t stand to stop kissing Jim, let alone part for long enough to find a more appropriate venue than an exam room at the clinic. Jim always could convince Leonard to do the craziest shit.

_'And why should now be any different?'_

While he doubted that Jim was ready to leap into his arms, Leonard thought he could at least do as Annie asked and find Jim, see what was going on in that damned fool head of his. So Leonard gripped the bourbon like a teddy bear and began hunting. Leonard was no backwater prude, and Gary made no secret of his proclivities, but the sheer amount of drugs and sex out in the open had Leonard gawking like a country bumpkin. He stopped in his tracks to watch a voluptuous auburn-haired beauty in a skin tight dress lean over a table and lap up a shot out of a gorgeous man's navel, her tongue darting out in little kitten licks even as she teased along the mocha skin of his ripped abs ever lower until halting just north of his obscenely low-slung pants, all but his cock on display. It was the sexiest thing Leonard had seen in a long time and he flushed, feeling like a walking-talking cliché, the hillbilly fish out of water in the big city.

After barging in, and hastily out of, a bedroom where there were too many entwined limbs in seemingly impossible positions, Leonard stumbled into a cheerful game of _’Truth or Dare’_ that was nothing like the ones he remembered. Luckily, none of the players paid his staring any mind since it would be awhile before his aching cock forgot about the young woman eagerly taking three men at once.  
Shaking his head to clear it, he waved off a hash pipe, skipped past an offered line of coke, passed the jello shot to someone else, and finally stopped, frustrated, halfway up the stairs. The producer’s home wasn’t all that large and Jim shouldn’t be _this_ hard to find.  
He trudged up the stairs, almost conceding defeat when a hand reached out and grabbed his ass as he rounded the corner. He started, then squeaked aloud as a matching hand pressed against his cock. He jerked back, swearing as this sweet little thing was suddenly all over him, groping him, pushing him into an alcove where she tried to climb him like a tree. Leonard was too stunned to argue and too much of a gentleman to shove her away, so found himself crowded against the wall with insistent lips pressing into his.

Leonard was in no mood to be fondled, well not by a tiny slip of a girl, and he drew the line when she tried to stick her hand down his pants.

“Now just a goddamned minute!” he growled, firmly pulling her off him and setting her on two wobbly legs.

“Don’t you—“ she whined, seemingly astonished that Leonard didn’t immediately back her up against the wall and fuck her brains out.

“No!” he interrupted, making them both wince from his shout. “No, ma’am, no, I do not.” He was backing away, one hand up to keep her at bay, while he searched for a door behind him. He latched onto the first unlocked door and pushed in, slamming it behind him as he leaned against it, trying to catch his breath. He was so not cut out for this shit.

Somewhere along the way, he’d lost the bottle. He dropped his head back against the door and swore softly as his eyes adjusted. He was in a bedroom, probably the master, all cream carpet, monotone bedding, muted neutrals pale in the dim light from the open balcony doors. And miracle of miracles, there was someone sitting on the balcony, his long limbs and golden hair impossible for Leonard to mistake.

Jim.

He inhaled slowly through his nose and straightened, gathering his suddenly quaking nerves, swallowed against his dry throat as he stepped forward. He wished for the bottle as he padded toward the open doors, eyes glued to the inky night sky instead of the lanky form that had turned toward him.

Steeling his shoulders, Leonard stepped out onto the stonework balcony, his attention momentarily diverted toward the rolling hillside sloping down and away from underneath them. “Jim,” he blurted out, never good at silence.

“G‘way, Bones,” Jim slurred, voice rough as he tipped his head back and took a giant swig from some bottle.

“No. I let you stew long enough. _I_ stewed long enough. Stick a fork in me. I’m done.”

Jim snorted and shook his head. “That was terrible,” he said, but offered Leonard the bottle.

Leonard took a long pull and nearly choked. “Goddamn tequila!” he squeezed out. “Fuck!”

Then Jim was chuckling, his whole chest shaking.

“Shut it, Jim!” Leonard barked, but he started laughing around the fire burning a hole in his stomach. “You know I fuckin’ hate tequila!”  
Jim ducked his head, but Leonard caught sight of a bright blue eye watching him intently from under lowered lashes. Shaking his head fondly as Jim’s lips quirked up, he moved toward the wide, rattan sofa, nudging Jim’s legs down off the coffee table so he could pass. “Scoot over. Let a guy have a seat,” he muttered, settling next to Jim.

When he straightened Jim was looking right at him, blue eyes intent and cool.

“Bones.”

“Yeah, Jim?”

“Why’re you here?”

“Here as in LA? Or here-here?” The muscle ticked in Jim’s jaw and Leonard gave him a slow grin. “We’re gonna talk. Just you and me.”

“I’m either too drunk or not _nearly_ drunk enough for this,” Jim sighed, dropping his head back against the paneling, his eyes drifting closed.

“I know I’m not drunk enough by halves, kid. But it’s better that I’m approaching sober.”

“Sober?” Jim arched one eyebrow, but didn’t lift his head or even crack open his eyelids.

“Not gonna let you think it’s the booze talkin’. This is all me. And you’ll kindly listen. It’s hard enough to keep focused in this den of illicitness.”

Jim snorted. “What?”

“You heard me! Goddamn, but there’s every kind of …” he waved his hand, searching for the right word to describe everything he’d seen. “It’s… well, there’s more shit going down out there than in all the whorehouses in Georgia, I bet!”

Jim bit his lip. He was holding in a chuckle. Leonard could see his chest shaking.

“Never you mind,” he said, waggling his finger at Jim. “That’s not why I’m here. Out here. On this balcony…” he leaned forward and only just realized that the structure they were on jutted out over the canyon, seemingly floating on air, the struts invisible from his vantage point. His breath stuttered in his chest and he threw himself back, pressing firmly against the sofa cushions. “Geeee-zus!” he gasped.

Jim’s palm reached out and pressed against Leonard’s sternum. “Breathe, Bones. We’re safe. Everything’s fine. Just look at me.”

Leonard’s heart was racing and he couldn’t catch his breath. “Fuck!” he wheezed.

“Leonard!” Jim called to him, grabbed his face between his large, calloused palms, forcing Leonard’s eyes to his. “Bones. Breathe with me.”

Leonard swallowed, losing himself in Jim’s eyes, his warm tequila and sweet-smoke laden breath brushing over Leonard’s cheek.

“Jim?” he mumbled, hands flying up to grip Jim’s wrists.

“I’ve got you, Bones. It’s fine. You’re safe. We’re fine.”

Leonard was trembling slightly, shook his head. He didn’t _feel_ fine.

“Yes we are.” Jim’s voice was firm, no doubt in it. “I’ve seen the damn thing from below, Bones. A helicopter could land up here. Two guys and some booze ain’t nothing.”

“Nothing?” Leonard asked, swallowing again, his breathing still too shallow, but his heart was slowing.

With one final stuttering breath, he sagged and closed his eyes, but didn’t release the tight grip he had on Jim. “Fuckin’ hell, Jim.”

“Figured I was safe out here.”

“Safe? From me?” Leonard gritted his teeth. “You were hiding from me?”

Jim looked everywhere but at Leonard, his eyes darting back and forth while he chewed on his tongue and pursed his lips. “Ye-ah?” he finally admitted.

Leonard opened his eyes, hastily closing them again while he turned sideways, to face Jim, and blot out the yawning chasm below them. “That was low, kid.”

“No lower than giving a guy the thing he wants more than anything, only to snatch it away.”

“Is that what you think? You believe I’d do that to you?”

Jim turned away, his throat working and jaw clenched tight. Leonard tore his eyes away from Jim’s face, surveyed the rest of him; body tense, hands clenching and releasing at his sides. Leonard slumped. “Ah, hell, kid,” he murmured. “I never meant to hurt you. Not again.”

“For someone who didn’t want to, you seem to be a fucking expert at it!” Jim shot up, back to Leonard, and leaned over the balustrade, forearms resting on the metal railing. The lines of his body were stiff, body language screaming at Leonard to get away.

Jim’s position was intentional. He’d put himself somewhere Leonard couldn’t go, or that’s what Jim thought anyway. Leonard was stronger than his fear and he’d done enough damage. No acrophobia was going to keep him from fixing this.

Leonard breathed in slowly through his nose and stood. He forced his legs forward, but couldn’t bear to look at the sweeping vista. Instead, he turned his back to it, leaned against the railing and pressed his side against Jim’s to steady himself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, kid. I just let my feelings get the better of me, but it won’t happen again. _Nothing_ will happen again without your say so.”

“Your feelings?” Jim shook his head, but didn’t move to put distance between them. Leonard hoped that was a good sign.

“I… of course,” Leonard replied. “You know how I feel about you.”

The bitter laugh that burst from Jim made Leonard flinch. “What?”

“Did you really think that I’d just fall into bed with you again?” Jim’s gaze was searing when Leonard met his eyes. “You think I’m stupid enough to make the same mistake twice?”

“Mistake? What are you talking about, Jim? I-I wanted…”

“Yeah, I know. You wanted a no-strings fling, someone safe before you go back to Joce. Again.”

“What? What the fuck does Joce have to do with this?”

“When did you become such a dick?” Jim asked, his brows knitted together, eyes hot.

“Goddammit, Jim! I’m trying here, but you’re making no sense.”

Jim visibly deflated, leaning more heavily against the rail as he shook his head. “Wow… okay. Look, I know, so you can cut the act.”

“The act?” Leonard blinked. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I know about you and Joce getting back together.”

Jim’s voice was soft, more hurt than angry and Leonard just blinked at him in confusion, unable to find words.

“Seriously, Bones… Leonard. Give it up. Jo and I talked when she first found out. I think she’s more hurt about it than me.” Jim straightened then and turned to look at Leonard, his face a cool mask. “You should have told her at least. I get why you didn’t say anything to me, but Jo....”

And suddenly Leonard got it. But Jim was stepping away, spine straight, head held high despite what he thought Leonard had done.

Leonard’s hand shot out and grabbed Jim’s arm, pulling him back. “Stop. Jim. Please. You’ve got it all wrong.” Leonard didn’t mean to grip so tight. He didn’t mean to outright beg, but he wasn’t going to lose Jim again. Not over something like this.

“Jim, I don’t know where Jo got the idea—“

“She heard you and Joce talking,” he said, only halfway turning, body closed off, remote.

“Jim, whatever Jo-Jo heard, she didn’t have it right. I _have_ been talking to Joce. But we’re not getting back together. Not ever. We’re not good for each other. She’s gotten a new doctor, is taking her meds regularly, has a steady job, even has a beau. Joce’s as stable as I’ve seen her in years.” Jim’s shoulders relaxed subtly, but he still looked suspicious. Leonard wanted to curse out loud because he’d done that to Jim. Sighing softly, he continued, “Joce wants to see Jo. She’s ready now, so we were talking about visitation. That’s all.”

Leonard finally let go of Jim’s arm, his throat closing. “Jim. I swear to you. I’m not lying… I wouldn’t lie to you. Never.”

The moment crystallized, neither of them moving, limbs locked, eyes meeting, hearts thundering, both afraid to take the first step.  
“Bones,” Jim choked out, shattering the air, and forcing Leonard to surge forward, drawn into Jim’s embrace.

The kiss was impossibly better, more than perfect; their bodies pressed tightly together, hearts hammering as Jim opened up in a way he hadn't in the pool. And Leonard took advantage, plundered, his tongue sweeping Jim's palate and teeth as he sought to re-claim, to own, to once again _know_ this gorgeous man in his arms. They were on the cusp of renewal, and the heady optimism pushed Leonard further than he'd dared before. His hands tugged on Jim's shirt until he could scoot his palms under the loosened tail. The warm skin was quivering slightly under his palms with Jim moaning shamelessly into Leonard's mouth.

Without realizing it, he had backed Jim up against the wall, never releasing his lips as one hand slid down to cup Jim's fabulous ass, the other tugging, pulling on Jim's hand until it was caught, trapped over his head. Leonard growled into Jim's mouth, pushed harder, their groins catching, flames licked his spine when Jim canted his hips and their clothed cocks aligned. It was too much and Leonard tore his mouth away, gasping for breath as he rested his forehead against the wall. His words were raspy, breathless as he panted out, "Fuuu-ck!"

And Jim, the bastard, just grinned, swiveled his hips and tilting his head to the side to peek at Leonard with those sinfully blue eyes. He was smirking even as he used his free hand to loosen Leonard's tie. "What's wrong, Bones? Cat got your tongue?"

Leonard wanted to growl, to argue, to suck that delightfully red lower lip into his mouth, but Jim's hand had wormed its way inside his shirt and was resting over his pounding heart. Leonard had nothing else to hide, his body betraying him completely. He just nodded then seized both of Jim's hands and held them over his head. Jim was surprisingly compliant when normally he was mouthy and feisty, fighting Leonard for control.

But this, to see him: spine arching, lips parted, eyes heavy lidded, all from Leonard's touch, it was exhilarating and Leonard wasn't stopping until he'd shown Jim just how much he'd missed his eventual capitulation. He pressed Jim’s wrists once in warning to keep them above his head before he let his hands wander lower. First, he cupped Jim’s cheek, stared into his gorgeous eyes blown wide and dark from surprise as much as lust. And Leonard needed to take that surprise away, to prove to Jim that he was worthy, that he wasn't going anywhere, that he'd be at Jim's side for as long as Jim wanted.

So Leonard stepped back, just far enough to catch his breath, but the flash of hurt in Jim's eyes showed just how much work he had to do.

Leaning in, he kissed Jim's lips, a tender brush of lips, just a bare whisper of sensation. He let their breath mingle and murmured, "I'm going to prove myself to you, Jim. And I'm starting right now."

Jim blinked, brow furrowing in confusion.

Leonard sighed, then reached up and took Jim's hand. "C'mon. If I'm going to make love to you, I'm doing it in that big, expensive bed. Not on some horror movie balcony."

The bed was ridiculously large and luxurious, dark sheets softer than silk. As Leonard undressed Jim, the contrast of his pale skin splayed out on the navy sheets was nearly too hard to resist. But this wasn't about Leonard's long suppressed lust. This was about Jim. So Leonard fought himself and Jim. Every time Jim tried to rush things, tried to speed up the process, Leonard stopped him, draped himself lengthwise over Jim, and kissed him hard and long, determined to make slow, sweet love to the most beautiful man he'd ever met.

Beneath him, Jim alternated between tense and boneless, too keyed up and suspiciously relaxed. It was all an act. A role. So Leonard re-doubled his efforts, kept Jim pinned with low, bourbon-laced vowels and teasing kisses. He tasted Jim everywhere, took the time to relearn the body he'd once known as well as the back of his own hand. When Jim finally let go, shut off his mind, Leonard knew it, felt it in the way he arched into Leonard, the way his lips parted around a nearly silent exhalation. They'd never been vocal, couldn't be with a baby in the house, so this felt real, finally. His spit-slick palm circled them both and Leonard watched until he couldn't take it and he seized Jim's lips, stole his wordless cry as he came apart, trembling and shaking in Leonard's arms.

A single tear ran down Jim's cheek from beneath tightly closed eyelids and that hint of overwhelming emotion more than anything broke Leonard. He muffled his shout in Jim's neck as he came, clung tight enough to bruise, all the while begging Jim not to leave him, not to let him go, not ever again. Then Jim responded with tender kisses as he pushed Leonard to his back. His heart stopped when Jim smiled.

"You mean it, Bones?" His smile might rival the sun's, but his eyes were still shadowed.

Leonard lifted his clean hand and cupped Jim's cheek. "I love you, darlin'. I never stopped. And I just don't want to do it without you. Not anymore."

"How long this time?"

Leonard wiped his palm on the sheets and pushed Jim to the bed, eyes never leaving Jim's. "Forever. If you'll have me?" He dropped a kiss to Jim's nose. "I'm not leaving unless you tell me to. I'll stay behind the scenes. Play an old friend, staff doctor. I don't know. Whatever. Just..." he paused, swallowed, then went on. "Don't send me away. I need to be with you."

"Bones," Jim said, stopping the flow of Leonard's words. "I love you. I need you, too."

Leonard collapsed forward, rested his forehead against Jim's as he broke, great shudders running through him. It was then that he realized he truly hadn't believed he'd get another chance. Didn't think he deserved one. But Jim just rolled them to their sides and held him through it. If they fell asleep with tears on the pillow and their bodies clinging desperately, no one but them need know.

~~*~~

Leonard was warm and comfortable, yet someone was shaking him insistently. He didn't remember being oncall, didn't remember anything except the warm body he was curled around. The world could go to hell. This was the best dream he'd had in ages and he wasn't in any mood to wake up.

Then the covers were roughly pulled away and a furious voice was buzzing in his ear. "Wake up! Damn! Damn! Damn! Jim! Leonard! You idiots!"

Leonard finally opened his eyes and blinked in hazy recollection. He was not back home in Jesup, but it was definitely Jim in his arms. And Annie standing over them, arms crossed, glaring down at them... naked!

"Shit!" Leonard yelped and flailed around for the covers while trying to cover his crotch. "Annie, dammit! What the hell?"

"Get up!" she hissed.

"I'm getting, but go away first!"

"Leonard, don't be an idiot! We have to get you out of here! What were you thinking?" Annie was storming around the room, picking up clothes and muttering about idiots and men and tossing other less flattering adjectives his way.

Leonard gripped the sheets, scooting up the bed as Jim began stirring. "Wazzup?" he mumbled into Leonard's thigh.

In that instant, when sleepy blue eyes blinked open and glanced at Leonard, the world stopped. He reached down and carded his hands through Jim's hair, tousling it further while making Jim's eyes close and his body slowly sag against Leonard. He kept petting Jim, a sappy smile on his face and warmth coursing through him, Annie forgotten.

Until, that is, Annie dumped their clothes on Leonard's chest, burying Jim beneath them. "Get dressed! Don't you realize how utterly stupid you've been? I told you to fix it! I meant talk, Leonard. Talk! Not fucking! What if someone came in and took pictures?"

She leaned over and, unerringly finding Jim's head, slapped him. "Dammit, Jim! We've talked about this! About how you could come out, but being outed by the tabloids was _not_ on the list!"

"Ow!" Jim cried, his head peeking from the pile of fabrics, blue eyes betrayed.

She suddenly stopped talking and just looked at them, shaking her head, her eyes wide. Leonard couldn't figure out if she was pissed or frightened. And then it sunk in. If someone had snapped a photo of he and Jim naked in bed together, Jim's career would be over.

"Fuck!" he scrambled out of bed, a pair of pants barely covering his privates. "What do we do?"

Leonard moved to the pile to try to find his underwear, but stiffened. He couldn't turn without flashing Annie.

She rolled her eyes at him, but turned around. "You don't have anything I haven't seen before," she said, her voice quavering.

"What's up?" Jim asked, confused and voice muffled. He was likely still half-drunk and had never been good at being roused after being well-fucked.

"You're an idiot!" Annie started.

While Leonard said at the same time, "We were rash, darlin'. This was no place for reunion sex."

Annie snorted, shaking her head, but didn't pile on.

Leonard began pulling on his clothes, swearing under his breath, his eyes fixed on Jim. He saw the instant Jim realized what had happened.

Jim scrambled out of the bed, scattering the rest of the clothes. "Shit!" he cried out, then began trying to get dressed, but he was uncoordinated in his panic.

Annie peeked over her shoulder, turning when she saw that Leonard had pants on. She took Jim's arm and caught his chin. "We've got this. Let's get you dressed. We'll send Leonard home with Gary, then you and I will follow later. You can muss me up and let people think it was _us_ in this bed, okay?"

Her complete surety and certainty calmed Jim down and he nodded, doing as instructed. But his eyes kept drifting to Leonard who couldn't help smiling at him in return.

Annie dressed Jim and allowed a quick peck on the lips before she was shoving Leonard out of the room. "Go!" she hissed. "Gary's outside. Jim and I will follow."

Leonard looked at Jim, but couldn't leave, not like this. He stepped around Annie and wrapped Jim up tight, whispering in his ear, "We're not done, you and I. I love you, darlin', and I swear we'll figure this out. Whatever you need."

Jim nodded, biting his lip to keep the words that they didn't have time for at bay.

Leonard took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders, and stepped out of the room only to be met with Gary shaking his head in disapproval at him. This was going to be a fucking trainwreck of a limo ride home. 

TBC


End file.
